I work full-time as an attorney, and my work can be extremely stressful. I am also a mother of two – three if you count my husband, Mr. X. This week has been unusually stressful with work, the usual domestic chores and an inordinately busy school schedule for each child. Over the past several days, I have often had to stop myself from crying in very public places – its just wouldn’t look right, plus I don’t want one of those stay-at-home moms (SAHM), who wears form fitting yoga pants all morning to see me. Instead, I have unintentionally turned to yelling at the family, which has not only left me hoarse, but again, guilty for my less than professional approach to mothering. I know its cyclical, but at times I can get so overwhelmed and the only feasible solution I can fathom is to find a . . . .wife.
Yes, friends, I need another one just like me to help ease the burden of my non-stop role as fry-cook, driver, taxi driver, errand-runner, maker of happy clients and satisfier of Mr. X, all while I try NOT to lose my cool.
In fact, I have thought of approximately 3, 483 reasons why I need a wife. However, for the sake of brevity, I thought I would just list the reasons that immediately pop into my head this week. Now, remember your list may contain a few different reasons, as each household has its own special needs so this is just food for thought – here goes:
If I had a wife, she would. . . .
1. follow instructions when she was told her son needs supplies for his science project due on Friday and would not leave it for the working wife to do on her way to or from work.
2. know how to properly load the dishwasher. (yes, I know I shouldn’t complain because he is actually loading it but come on – you can fit more than 5 glasses on the top shelf if you just line the glasses up rather than zig-zag ’em).
3. know better than to buy the adolescent, yet very enthusiastic dog, a very loud and obnoxious squeaky chew toy.
4. not ask if your in the mood – she understands when you sneak out of the room and slip into bed unannounced at 8:30 p.m., you are not.
5. not expect you to pick up your daughter from youth group, but instead would plan to do it herself so you can relax and not have to leave the couch.
6. not have the T.V. on so loud that you can hear the subtitles in the next room.
7. know not to engage the children in a rambunctious game of “not it” just moments before bedtime.
8. understand that homework is a nightly event even though the kids say they do not have any.
9. know when the mandatory back-to-school night is scheduled and would not question why her attendance is mandatory.
10. realize that it takes you two hours to shower, shampoo, style hair, prepare breakfast and lunch in the morning so she wakes you up on time rather than letting you sleep in because you looked tired.
11. find a sitter for the children who will be off of school for a national holiday even though she has to work.
Oh, I could go on but I feel guilty about the thought of replacing or supplementing Mr. X because he just made dinner, cleaned the kitchen and is ignoring me, i.e. giving me my space as I attempt to decompress from my life. It’s rough out here – I never feel as if I am doing any of my jobs very well – especially the most important job – mommying- and the only way I can work through my guilt is to dream so, if you happen to run into an unemployed wife, give her my number – we need to talk!!!