Hi!!! My name is *salesperson* from *company which sells amber jewelry* (part of the *large baby company*) and would love to send you some information on our Amber products! We think you would be a great fit!! Please send your email to *salesperson@largebabycompany* and we can respond with our information package/wholesale pricing.
There are a few fatal flaws with this message.
The Message is not Addressed to Anyone
Yes, I would rather see a generic Hi or Hello rather than ‘To whom it may concern’ or ‘Owner of company’ but I write my name with all of my Facebook posts plus you can also find my name on my store’s blog posts and website. It is very easy to find. A name would at least give me some hope I did not get another copy and paste sales message.
The above message has nothing to do with my store/brand. I understand copying and pasting messages saves time but you want me to buy your product and than resell it. Butter me up a little. Tell me what makes my store unique. Even if I cannot use your service at least I know you have put some effort into acquiring me as a customer. Your sales messages should be like a resume. You have basic information you need to get across but it gets personalized with each job you apply to.
I sell this Product in my Store already under my Own Brand
This is by far the worst thing you can ever do in a sales cold call/message. The salesperson has obviously no idea what my store sells and has never visited my website. At this point I am more than just annoyed at the message I am a little ticked off. I am a WAHM (work-at-home-mom). You have just wasted some of the limited time I have to work while the baby naps, reading and responding to this message (yes, I respond to every message I get sent unless it is spam).
The worst part of it all. Catherine had worked with this person before and says he/she is great. I would have never known that by this message.
If you are awesome tell me that.
If you have used your product with success – tell me.